Identity and life direction

Life direction and identity are complicated issues and are difficult for everyone. If you find yourself stuck and want some help finding clarity about who you are, this page may be able to help.

You may find that one or two of these exercises may not be a great fit for you, but it is important that you try each of them. Read some of the case examples on this site to see how people are often very surprised by what they find when they let themselves do these exercises fully. You may discover some uncomfortable truths about yourself in doing these exercises. Try to be nice to yourself, and schedule a session if you want some help or support. If you become overwhelmed at any point, just stop and rest.

Some of these exercises ask you to complete a sentence. Please read the sentence-stem either aloud or silently and then let the sentence finish itself without trying to pre-think an ending. Feel free to change the sentence-stem in order to make it feel more true. Repeat the exercise over and over until you are not getting any new endings before going on to the next one.

1. Please imagine the important people in your life (including your family) and get a clear picture of them. Now imagine that you know exactly who you are and what you want to do. Try telling them that and notice if there is anything that feels unwelcome. "I know exactly who I am and what I want to do."
Spend some time with this experience before moving on.
Write down what you learn.

2. Now continue to be there with those people and try saying to them, "I can't let myself know that around you." and pay attention to how it feels.
Spend some time with this experience before moving on.
Write down what you learn.

3. Still there with those important people, try saying to them, "I can't let myself know that around you because..." and finish the sentence.
Keep doing this until you are getting no new endings.
When you are finished, write down some of the sentences that felt strongest.

4. Now imagine a person who has an easy time knowing who he or she is and wants to do. Have a specific person in mind and try saying, "What makes you different from me is..." and finish the sentence. Keep doing this until you are getting no new endings.
When you are finished, write down some of the sentences that felt strongest.

By this point, many people will feel like they have found a part of themselves that they did not know existed. It is important not to turn this part of yourself into an enemy, but rather make it into a friend. You can do this by not trying to change it. Instead just accept it and let it be true. You should also spend some time each day reading over what you have learned about yourself. Many people will feel a strong need to have someone with whom to share this new truth. You can tell a trusted friend, a support group or schedule a session with a therapist.

If you would like to share your emotional truth with others, you can enter it into the form below. Offerings will be posted within 48 hours. If you would like to donate to PsychResources.net, click here.

Other factors

In addition to working with emotions, there are other important factors in helping to find a sense of who you are and what you want to do. Please look over the following in addition to discovering your emotional truth. It is very important to remember that if anything on this list is difficult for you to do, there may be a hidden emotional truth against doing it. If so, try adapting the discovery exercises above to learn about this emotional truth, or click schedule a session to get help from a therapist.

• Make a list of all the things that bring you joy and happiness. Try to spend more of your time with those things.
• Spend some time jounraling about what you would do if food and rent were free. How would you spend your time?
• Think of a jobs that allow you to do the things you love from those lists.
• Get enough sleep, eat right, find some support (like a friend or group). Some people do not want to burden their friends with their troubles. Going to a support group is a good solution to this situation. You might try AA, CODA, or Depression Anonymous.
• Stop drinking alcohol if you can. If you can’t, try going to AA. It has a depressive effect on your brain.
• Get enough sunlight and exercise. They have been shown to be as effective as many forms of therapy at improving mood.
• Practicing deep breathing for 10-20 minutes each day can help you to become clearer about your identity and life direction. Find a safe, calm place, sit comfortably, and take deep slow breaths. Try to concentrate on the sensation of breathing in your nose, chest or belly. You will soon find yourself lost in thoughts and worries, and when you do, congratulate yourself for having noticed that your mind wandered. Then go back to the breathing.
• You may want to practice sending yourself love and compassion for 10-20 minutes a day. Find a safe, calm place, sit comfortably, and take deep slow breaths. Now say to yourself, "May you be safe. May you be loved. May you be healthy. May you be peaceful." Repeat these over and over again, just knowing that you want good things for yourself. You can also try sending these wishes to others.
• If you are feeling suicidal, click here.

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copyright © 2007 Coherence Counseling, MA. Last updated 31March2007.